just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
