.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
