I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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