finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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