the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
