She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
