dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
