two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
