why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
