yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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