I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
