well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
