She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
