just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
