He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
