Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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