I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
smell my finger.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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