The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
