first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I puked a lego.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
