If i come over, it means nothing
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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