Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
