Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i was born a porn star she said
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
