im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
