we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
