Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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