The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
PANTIES FOUND
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