Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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