I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
