do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
