he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
