Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
