well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
