I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
