That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
