It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
