the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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