I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
