Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
