If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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