I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
