If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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