I think my vagina is haunted
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
