I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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