Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
how does that bad decision feel?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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