Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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