Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
