I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
