Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
