Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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