Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
