I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
its liver damage thursday
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