I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm both gender and math confused
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
