When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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