In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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