Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
