We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
