I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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